What I Want to Do With My Life

I have a dream

Most people in my line of work aspire to do something great. Write an Academy Award winning film, a legendary Pulitzer Prize winning novel; something that will inspire generations to come.

I want to make the worlds greatest porno.

I’m not talking about some low-budget Vivid feature, or even something that will win an AVN award. I want to create a two-hundred-million dollar epic the likes of which will never be done again by humankind.

First off, it will be financed by large production companies like FOX or Universal. I want to get a big budget director like Ridley Scott with John Williams doing the score. I want stars like Brad Pitt and Scarlett Johansson. Yeah, they’ll use body-doubles when we get to the nitty-gritty, but that where Industrial Light and Magic comes in. If they can make it look like Keanu Reeves is flying, they could make Megan Fox look like she’s getting the ol’ “Chinese finger trap” action.

I want colossal explosions, earth-shattering wars, magnificent CGI fight scenes, lasers, aliens, monsters, spaceships, gods, and a lesbo scene with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Biel, Keira Knightly and Jessica Alba on a floating space station as it crashes onto the surface of Pluto.

People with watch the screen and weep with joy at the incredible motion picture before them. It will win scores of awards, a huge amount of praise and an unstoppable fan following.

And I will look upon you all and smile from my golden throne; rubbing my nude body with hundred dollar bills.

I mean, seriously, it couldn’t be any worse than the shit coming out now, can it?