Things That Bug Me

1) Pirates.

Stop it, just... stop. You dumb bastards are trying to tell me that a bunch of guys wearing earrings and brightly colored silk shirts that spend way too much time on a boat alone together is badass? Fuck you.

There's a reason sailors are called seamen, and I think we all know why.

2) Nerds that aren't really nerds.

Look, if you dig comics, role playing games or videogames, that's fine. Do your thing and nerd out to whatever you want to (just don't be around me unless you've showered...).

But if I see one more "hipster" with a Batman t-shirt, thick, fashionable glasses and plugging away on his apple iBook while listening to Tiger Army trying to debate with me the comic book medium as a whole with no real concept of the genre save a few issues of Spawn he once looked at and the one time he read Watchmen, I'm going to murder him.

3) People

There's just way too many of 'em.

4) Zombies.

What was once kind of cool has now been totally oversaturated.

Besides, they make absolutely no sense on any level at all. Let's look at the monster list...

Vampires - They need blood to survive, therefore they hunt for human blood.

Frankenstein - Big ass lug who has a retard brain. He just kicks all sorts of ass and can't be stopped because he's dead (sort of) but still eats regular food.

Werewolves - People that turn into huge wolves who eat people. Bitchin'.

Zombies - WTF?!?!?

If they're dead, and there's nothing they can do to stop decomposition, why are they out for brains? 'Cuz of the taste? I think not.

Zombies are stupid just like you.

5) Juno.

Five minutes into this movie and I pumped two rounds into my TV from the double-gage. It wasn't a movie about a teenage girl getting pregnant and evaluating her life through the eyes of a poignant, quirky young woman.

It was a “film” about a bitter thirty-something woman who wished she could go back in time a be a teenage girl so she can say all the bitter things she had no nerve (and none of the intelligence) to say when she WAS a teenage girl. Everything about that movie screamed "I'm a misunderstood, cool broad that every other woman really wants to be but can't because I'm really cooler than them all."